


You Can't Always Get What You Want

by Peapods



Category: Pundit RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-30
Updated: 2010-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 20:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peapods/pseuds/Peapods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four strangers walk into a bar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Always Get What You Want

Anderson hated his life. For one thing he was immortal. For another his ears, which were _supposed_ to be pointy, were only very slightly pointed upwards. Third, his father, with his questionable sense of humor, had named him Anderson, instead one of the other myriad(and more appropriate) names. Fourth, his laugh--supposed to sound like tinkling bells or a babbling brook--sounded more like a chicken being strangled. Not to mention he was at least two inches shorter than _all of his kin._

Anderson was a Sindarin Elf.

*****

Jon hated his life.

He was too tall, too gray, and too smart. He didn't eat near enough, had given up pipeweed(and every other kind), and hated dancing. His father, also too tall and too smart, had named him Jonathan, breaking with about three hundred years of tradition. He really hated being mistaken for a man who had simply misplaced his shoes and often had to point out his ears to make them see that no, in fact, he wasn't some country, no brain, shoeless man with missing teeth and a distinct aura of b.o.

Jon was a hobbit

*****

Keith really hated his life.

He was too big and gangly and his horse was afraid to come near him. His feet didn't fit into the stirrups and his head was too big for the helmet they'd given him. He was really too smart just to be riding around on a horse with a big spear and a bad attitude. His name was completely incomprehensible. His father had lived in a very remote area of the country and had been called "the Odd" by most of his neighbors. Mostly because he--and subsequently his son--like to go about hitting bits of leather stuffed with cow droppings and hay with big sticks. He _did_ like ale quite a bit, but he just looked silly with a beard. Being the only one with a smooth face had been a source of teasing his entire life.

Keith was a soldier of Rohan.

*****

Stephen loved his life.

He was, quite honestly, the best soldier in the Steward's service. He looked mighty handsome in his armor--buffed to a shine by Mrs. Stephen every morning--and kept himself in excellent shape. He had looks most elves would kill for--despite wonky ear. He was, quite possibly, the best strategist in the world of Men, screw Boromir and Faramir(he would NOT admit to his man crush on the younger son of the Steward). And his wife was really fuckin' hot. What more could he want?

Stephen was a Gondorin soldier

*****

It was rather by accident these four beings met. Anderson had been shanghaied into accompanying Lord Elrond to Minas Tirith, even though he'd only come to Rivendell from Mirkwood to get a prescription for a particularly nasty rash. He didn't have the heart to tell the prettiest elf in the world that her dress was tucked up into her underclothing. Also because it was really fuckin' funny. They'd reached Minas Tirith once allthe action was over. Rather than hang around with all his kin who were making not at all subtle jokes about his name and his laugh and his short stature he decided to get really fucking drunk.

Keith had already been in Minas Tirith, a survivor of both final battles. The best part of which had been when he'd accidently tripped over his own feet and taken down a mumak all by himself. He had "lost" his helmet somewhere near Mordor and was now finally clean, hair cut with not one piece of facial hair to be found. He was ready for a fuckin' drink.

Jon had been in Minas Tirith for an entirely different reason. He had the address of a very good healer in hand and by God he would be 4 feet tall if it _killed_ him. But first, not knowing the state of anesthetics in this part of the world, he was going to get blitzo drunk.

Stephen had had an _incredibly_ bad day and had complained about it loud and long to anyone who would listen. However, most had very little sympathy as they were missing limbs and such from the battles. But his armor was _ruined_ and his wife had left him for some poncy elf and damnit he'd stubbed his toe! Definitely time to hit the pub.

As these four different beings came into the only pub worth going to in Minas Tirith they were all quite disappointed to find that there was only one table available, a round table in the back. Amazingly, though, they had all arrived at the same exact time and had decided it would be quite the experience to sit all together. They grabbed the table and a few beers.

*****

"So... you're an elf?" Keith asked Anderson.

"Only in the sense that I'm not going to die and sometimes I glow in the dark. Otherwise I'm pretty much a wash as a member of the firstborn."

*****

"Look on the bright side, you can hold more alcohol," Stephen was telling slightly morose Jon.

"And the shorter women in my species _are_ the perfect height if you know what I mean."

*****

"So....why are you part of the army if you don't like riding horses?"

Keith shrugged. "Cause we don't have a league of people who like to hit bits of leather stuffed with cow shit and wood with big sticks."

*****

"Have you considered dating someone who doesn't like to be called 'Mrs. Stephen'?" Jon asked.

"Huh. You know you may be right. I need to find a 'MR. Stephen!'" He exclaimed before eyeing Jon speculatively.

*****

"I think it's an endearing laugh." Anderson blushed at the comment.

"If you like the sound of chickens being strangled." Keith's hand came to rest on Anderson's, and Anderson had to remind himself and elves didn't generally do things like throw up, have heart attacks, or jump strangers in bars.

"I mean, who wants perfection when they can have someone whose flaws are _way more_ entertaining?"


End file.
